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Writer's pictureShanell Williams

Mommy Used to Be the Most Hated Word in My Universe

“Mommy” used to be the most hated word to my ears!



Being a mother is one of the most powerfully rewarding, stressful, happiest, annoying, bittersweet experience one can have.


Seeing your son or daughter for the first time is one of the biggest blessings we could ever receive. Knowing they’re happy and healthy is another major blessing we are grateful to receive.


The laughs, the playing, the bonding, the redirecting, loving, caring for them, protecting them, it all comes like second nature, but then . . . It happens . . .


Even with all the joy they bring to you, you’re internally screaming out for help, assistance, and a much needed break, but no one hears your cry...


A while ago, I was unhappy. I felt incomplete in every area of my life.


I suffered from confusion of spirit and knowledge of self.


I was self conscious of my physical appearance. I mean, I was overweight and unhealthy before giving birth to my children, but getting pregnant three times, being overweight, and giving birth, turned my stomach into a spaghetti junction of interconnecting streets. It was as if Creation felt the need to give my babies a roadmap to the birthing canal! 🤦🏾‍♀️😂🤦🏾‍♀️


I went through my first two pregnancies alone. With my first son, I’d experience domestic violence while he was in the womb, I didn’t have much help at all with taking care of my own needs. I couldn’t even buy food majority of the times. I thought to myself,


“How am I going to provide for this baby when I could barely provide for myself?”


It was a harsh reality! I was only 17 and I’d been to hell on a rollercoaster 🎢... guess that rollercoaster decided to stay there for a while because I was trapped in a state of mental and emotional hell, but not many people knew or cared.


The day I gave birth to my son, the paradigm began to shift. It was as if my motherly instinct kicked in the moment I heard his cry 😢It was intoxicating. It was my first taste of heaven on earth. My first son was the first one to love me unconditionally no matter how much I felt like I messed up in life. I knew in that moment I held in my hands the one thing I’d always wanted.... TRUE LOVE... and I vowed to protect it.


True love is tangible!

As the time passed without delay, I was rewarded with a total of three beautiful heartbeats of unconditional love 💕

My relationships and finances suffered because I didn’t overstand life on the level of where I am today. At that time, I hadn’t brought my awareness to the Development of my Phoenix Move.


I remember a little while ago, I desperately ask a family member to help me out with the kids. I was under so much stress. I was tired and I just needed a break. Spring break was near and the kids would have been out of school for the entire week.


This particular year, we had nothing planned because the money wasn’t where it needed to be. I was already stressed about that amongst the stresses of caring for the needs and wants of three other little people other than myself. My bills were kicking my butt and trying to maintain my sanity on a daily was becoming harder and harder.


The sweet sound of “Mommy” became the most annoying word man could have ever created!


I just really needed and wanted a break!

So, when I asked this family member to get them, they agreed to help me out for that week. I was relieved! 😌I was so excited. I had never really been able to get a break like this one and I was looking forward to it.


Have you ever wondered what you would do once you finally got a break?

Well for me, all I could think about was deeply cleaning up my house! If you are a parent or even if you’ve ever experienced having kids around on any level, you definitely know how messy they can be; and you also know how poorly their clean up skills are too, especially if they don’t really want to clean 🧽.


The day finally came for them to leave and I was amped up and jacked out of my mind. I was ready to release and relax. I picked up the phone and made the call to the family member as I plopped across my bed.


“Hello!” She answered.


“Hey, how are ya?” I responded with excitement!


“I’m good and you?” I could tell by the tone of her voice something wasn’t right.


“I’m good! Are we still good for the week?” There was complete silence. It was so quiet that I could hear the exact moment she stopped breathing right before she said,


“No! I’m not going to get them!”


My entire heart shattered and the world around me became foggy! It was in that moment I wanted to literally DIE. It was in that moment the word “mommy” became the most hated word in my universe.

Who is this mommy almost every kid speaks about?

She’s everything many daddy’s are not!


Unless you are a mother or caregiver, you don’t know or overstand the beauty’s and stresses of parenthood on this level. Because although being a mother is a major blessing that gives you life, it’s also the very thing that can take life too!


  • Death by birth

  • Death by suicide

  • Death by stress which causes physical defects such as heart attacks and strokes.

  • Not to mention, the best one of all... Death by conversion through making a choice to become a better YOU for your little ones.

The day I spoke of above is pivotal for me because it was one of my breaking points. I truly wanted to die. I wanted to just go to sleep and never wake up again, but I knew in my spirit that wasn’t an option. However, it was in that moment I realized just why many have snapped and killed not only themselves, but their children too!


It’s a harsh reality but it made perfect sense. Just from all the things I’d been through, partnered with the struggles and battles of raising kids and providing for them... I felt like a failure. I’d experienced a level of depression that exposed it was necessary for me to murder this person and do more to be who I needed to be for them.


The message of this post is to bring awareness to many of the things WE mothers have endured, will endure, or are currently experiencing with raising our kids on our own. Even those mothers with help have their own struggles as well.


When you allow your life to be centered around everything and everyone else, including your children, you lose sight of who you are. What’s worst, many of us never knew who we were before giving birth to our kids anyway... so imagine feeling trapped in a place of the unknown.


When I developed my Phoenix Move, it became the catalyst I needed to transform every facet of my life that didn’t measure up to the life I envisioned for myself. Now I am fully aware and grateful that I have made the necessary changes.


I love life. I love my journey. I’ve found myself. My spiritual connection is solid and in tack. My health is in order and I’m no longer overweight. My relationships are amazing and my children and I are beyond happy. We’ve created a productive environment filled with love, peace, respect, and abundance. Thanks to Creation and my ability to make a firm decision to transform my life.


All praises due to the most high! 👑

If you want to Explore the Phoenix Within and find out more on how the Developing Your Phoenix Move Experience can transform your life and your family’s life, visit my website to schedule your consultation now!


Click the link to schedule now:

www.elitephoenixzone.com/Book-Online


👑💕HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! 💕👑
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